Some mixed feelings ...!

 A busy life

       Just today, I have some mixed feelings. I can not describe my mood this time, both sad and disappointed about myself. I always want to learn and do something but I am an extremely lazy person. Seemingly, I forgot my target to take a master exam. Although my parents never support me to take exam and study more, I always wanna to try. I almost don’t learn any knowledge for exam and especially, an difficult subject – Chinese, which I know nothing. It’s rather challenging for me, and I feel scared of doing Chinese test in exam. I have to learn Chinese again at the beginning lessons. I consider myself that I can’t take M.A exam in September this year, and then taking another exam in March next year. However, when hearing from my friend about the register of taking M.A exam, I feel very sad and disappointed about myself. I want to cry much and then disappear in this life. I’m truly a worthless person.

       I have already got a bad news from my mother. Feeling very sad when hearing that my father gets an working accident while doing in a field. I can’t imagine so bad situation like that. I want to come back my home right now, but I still must work tomorrow, and just can return after finishing my work at 4.30 P.m. I feel extremely worried about my father’s status. I remembered that last time my mother also had to go to hospital to have an operation but no one talked with me about this news. When having heard from my relatives about my mum’s disease, I could not stop my tear and cry much. Indeed, I feel very painful in these situations.

          A week has gone away so fast that I can not imagine. After finishing my working in company, I still continue doing as tutor everyday. I think that when I am busy with working, no time for me to think about sad things in my life any more. Last time, I came back from my company early, no friend to talk and no place to go, I just rode motorbike around my city to kill time, and then felt relaxing to come my room. Since doing as a tutor, my life becomes more joyful, especially when discussing the lesson with my pupil. Luckily, I get some good information from my pupil, he is going to take an exam to become an official position in provincial departments. He suggests me to try in this exam , but I have not got my graduation certificate. I don’t understand why my friends in other universities also get this certificate, but we always have to wait for a long time. It is unmeaning time for waiting. I always wanna to try in this official exam, what I should do now, just wait and wait for…I feel extremely hateful with this way.

        Today, I want to go to bed early and be longing for tomorrow coming soon. Thus, I can come back my hometown as soon as possible, I feel very worried about my father.. Goodnight someone!